"Mary, Don't Be Afraid."

“Mary, don’t be afraid, you have found favor with God.”

It is nearly always scary to encounter the spiritual realm.  It places us in a position to be confronted by truth.  Truth reveals that we are very much not the biggest character in the drama we are living in.  In fact, we are usually seeing our place, position and role in the wrong way all together.  We have things sized and oriented around us according to deep seated misunderstanding.  It comes from making both too much and too little of ourselves.

It’s disorienting to realize all at once that my perception is horribly inaccurate.  And different kind of realization than the epiphany that comes gradually from preaching, study or meditation.

The entrance of the eternal God into the realm of the visible and limited is full of such encounters.  Preparation for man to be confronted by truth.

How tender for the messenger Gabriel to comfort Mary with his first words.  Remember, she was fourteen.  Granted, fourteen at .75 BC was different.  Culturally, her expectations were marriage and family.  But still, there is only so much you can be ready for after fourteen years of preparation.  And then she wakes up.  All at once seeing clearly that the scope of reality is shockingly more than she had understood.  

“Mary, don’t be afraid…”  Gabriel is a messenger from God.  He says what God tells him to say.  God is aware of the shock, the fear that is produced in the heart and mind of frail, blind humans when their eyes are opened.  He anticipates it and always cares gently for that person in that moment.  

I wake my daughter most mornings.  She is innocent beauty; peaceful, at rest, tucked securely into her bed in the safety of her room, in our home where things are familiar and predictable.  I kneel next to her bed, watch her sleep, listen to her breath.  I touch her hair and stroke her forehead.  I whisper in her ear, “Emma…” She stirs and her eyelashes flutter as she stretches and adjusts from sleep.  

In that few moments, she is reorienting.  Imagine if, instead of the familiarity of her dad, she wakes to a never before imagined messenger from her Father.  The realm of infinity had broken through into her room and was calling her by name.

There is good reason to be afraid.  To feel small and disoriented on a grand scale.  I suspect it was both an immediate reassurance and a terrifyingly unsettling exposure to be known like that.  She had know idea what came next.

And then, “you have found favor with God.”

What would that evoke, a sigh of relief or greater fear?  Was it like being picked for a special and dangerous mission, or a hug?  Probably both.  It’s like whispering in my daughters ear early in the morning as she is waking up.  I stroke her hair and tell her she is my favorite daughter and then say, “let’s have a good breakfast and then load our weapons and strap on our protective armor, we’re hunting rabid honey badgers today…”

I love this statement though, “you have found favor…”  It implies that she was looking.  She wanted favor with God.  She had been searching for it.  This was before the resurrection of Jesus, before the law of Moses was fulfilled.  She had worked to honor God, to obey him by following his commands.  She knew the history of her people and the humiliation of their predicament.  

What a greeting.

Later in the story of Jesus written by Matthew, he quotes Jesus, “seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and then all these things will be given to you too.

But maybe Mary was a poet.  Maybe she noticed the favor of God in all the little things in her world.  She listened to the crickets after the sunset.  She held the baby John and touched his cheek.  She smiled at Joseph and felt blessed.  Maybe she was easily reassured by Gabriel because she practiced seeing and hearing the Kingdom of God.

That’s what I want to do.  To practice.  The entrance of Jesus into the world of the finite means that the infinite is now available to us.  Our reward is no longer just crops and fertility and worldly riches without oppression.  Our treasure is a relational connection with our Creator, Father, Groom, Shepherd, Healer, Sustainer, Provider and Friend.  We are no longer alone and left up to our own devices as Adam and Eve were after the apple.  Just like Mary, we’ve been invited and challenged to wake up and join in the adventure. 

“A work of art defines itself into being, when we awaken into it and by it, when we are moved, altered, stirred.  It feels as if we have done nothing, only given it a little time, a little space; some hairline-narrow crack opens in the self, and there it is.”

- Jane Hirshfield (poet)

The Cleanse

First week recap - Amidst a great deal of complaining - the whole family succeeded (survived) the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh days.  Meleea has produced a couple fantastic soups for dinner.  The one I helped with was a travesty.  I was the only one who ate it and I only did it to prove how committed I am.  I made a healthy but clearly not delicious or satisfying green shake with kale for breakfast.  Headaches reared up in the afternoon the first couple days and I can feel myself building for a mucus explosion.  I'm finally starting to feel like I'm in a groove.  The rest of the family is done but I'm doing liquid for breakfast and dinner with a solid meal for lunch.
I lost about five pounds and peed about once every 10 minutes (ok - not quite that much).
All of us could tell some improvement.

The rest of the family eased off after the first week.  I kept going.

I've lost about 10 pounds.  No headaches.  Great, deep sleep waking up without my tongue coated in goo.  Very increased energy level.  Reduced heart rate.

I went for a bike ride today.  Not sure if it's a result of weight lifting or the cleanse or both but I'm much faster for much longer.

I'm also more patient, more kind and less snappy.  Ask Meleea.

I keep thinking about the time Jesus said that whoever seeks to save his life will loose it, but he who gives it up willingly for his sake will find it.  Part of this effort for me is acknowledging and honoring the wonder of a fearfully made body.  It's capable of health, healing, strength, endurance, mood regulation, and a host of other almost supernatural accomplishments.  I believe in this creation and I'm interested to see how it performs when I treat it well instead of abusing it.

I finished the cleanse on Tuesday last week but I've continued with minor deviations (read - Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich on Friday night and taco dinner for Cinco De Mayo)  Still no dairy or wheat based stuff.

I think I'm going to just keep going.  It's not that hard and I feel great.  I'm hoping my allergies are significantly reduced.

I'll let you know.

Gettin' Clean

Clean - Day 1

Today is the first day of the Miller family's attempt to detoxify.  

2012 was a terrible year for my health.  My seasonal allergies just about killed me - weird symptoms: short of breath and aching chest (kind of like what I would imagine an impending heart attack), extreme fatigue, dizzy and light-headed, anxiety like I've never known before (racing brain, jumbled, incomplete thoughts, inability to concentrate, etc), cold, tingling extremities, sensitivity to light and general emotional malaise.  I spent much of the year just surviving - hoping no one would notice.  

It's Gotta Be a Person

Energy is Not Lovable

What is lacking in the theory that my life force - my soul, is part of a collective, un-named energy that I partake in whether alive or “dead” - what is missing is a personality.  I need an energetic relationship, not just energy.  Someone I know that I can trust and rely on when I have needs beyond myself.  

Death IS The Real Problem

The unbelievable tragedy in Connecticut is wrong on many levels.  And on every level, with every issue there are sides to argue.  Most of us instinctively pick one.  We disagree, or at least we see the issues differently.  If you spend a few minutes on the internet, you will find wildly divergent perspectives, charged with intense emotion.  Interestingly, the conflict on these issues, especially when the issue is the main connection (rather than the relationship), rarely ends in resolution.  More often than not, it ends in greater anger, judgement and separation.  

Why You Shouldn't Go To Church - And If You Are... Stop

The institutional Christian church has nearly always been a mess.  I assume there were a few weeks or so after Pentecost where God’s spirit was so powerfully received and the people’s understanding of their (juxtaposed) depravity and blessing was so poignant that they just could not help themselves and they truly lived in love and grace without regard to each others failings.  However, for the most part, from the time people began gathering on a regular basis to practice religion, they have been doing it wrong.  I myself have experienced primarily Christian church so I’ll be speaking from that perspective.  But as far as I can tell, the same issue haunts nearly every religion known to man.  

Thank You Ryan Woods

Thursday Brotherhood

My friend Ryan Woods took a short cut today.  After spending his rich life generously, graciously and with much humor and honesty - He left.  Too soon for those that knew him even a little.  He raised the bar for the rest of us and kept the angels laughing and scratching their beards.  I will miss him and I am terribly sad for Jess and their kids but God is good and he will love them well.  

Ryan laid it all out.  He risked nearly everything.  I’d just say he risked it all but I don’t know him that well.  It sure seemed like it.  In doing so, he secured all that was important and left behind a whole passel of people who at the very least are curious and at most are following him while he follows Jesus.  

How To Be A Neighbor - Another Coffee Metaphor

Coffee that truly represents the farmer’s intentions goes through a careful, intentional process.  You may have seen stickers about direct trade on bags of beans (they are actually cleaned, dried and roasted cherry pits).  The claims these stickers are making refer mostly to treatment of the laborers that harvest and process coffee.  Most of the coffee growing, harvesting and processing... process takes place in parts of the world where employees are not required to pay good wages or offer working conditions that we here in our comfortable country would tolerate.  These are poor countries full of poor people.  The idea, particularly of direct trade is that the coffee buyers such as Stump Town Coffee work directly with the farmers to ensure both good pay and working conditions for laborers.  This is reflected in the cost of their coffee and absorbed by all the shops who serve it.  When you pay a bit more, you are sharing your wealth with those who worked to provide that hot, delicious cup.

There is however, another element of the harvesting process interesting to discuss as a thought provoking metaphor. 

How To Feel Jesus In Some Not-So-Simple Steps

It’s been a rough summer.  My allergies this year were weird.  I’ve had hay-fever since the summer of my fifteenth year - the year I worked at the Faulkenberg’s, stumbling under a five gallon pack of RoundUp and chopping thistles in the middle of yellow fields of hay.  My hay-fever normally manifests itself with watery, itchy eyes, violent sneezing and unexplainably large portions of uncontrollable mucus that end up spraying with the sneezes and nose blowing.  I’ve developed a skill with this that comes in handy during on runs and bike rides.  Plug a nostril, lean to the side while twisting my head and blow.  Usually snot is deposited where I intend. 

Being on Mission is Not Work

Being on mission is not like work.  There are a few words that evoke a particular internal response in me.  I’m wrestling with my response because I don’t like how it feels.  “Intentional” and “purposeful” are two of those words; right along with “mission”.  The idea of being on mission is attractive to me.  I like the sense of doing something – facing a challenge, overcoming it and getting the task accomplished.  I think that’s great when I’m building, cleaning, fixing or solving something tangible.  But it doesn’t work well in relationships.

Why Don't We Heal Each Other

Why don’t we heal each other?  As my blog header says, I’m a failure.  While my failing has almost nothing to do with finances or position, the changes I’ve experienced are measurable in those ways.  I have less money and a lower position than I thought I would at 44.  I’m midlife, and typical midlife measurements say I am a failure.

I know, I know, it’ll get better, I shouldn’t worry, God is at work – and look at all the other failures I can minister to.  There is more to the story.  I’m not really being sarcastic.  At least within my sarcasm, I do acknowledge a different reality than what appears on the surface.  I get it.  It’s through the difficult times in life that we are humbled, learn to rely on God, grow in character, and stumble over the important truths we would never otherwise gain.  All that is most definitely true.  Seriously.

Ain't That Simple

It just ain’t that simple.  Life.  It’s complex.  Seriously, and I’m sorry about this, I know I often find some comfort in this effort, but - there really is no way to break life down into a few easy steps.  It’s not something we can wrap our brains around.  If I’m paying attention, really aware of all the different pieces of any experience, I can’t even wrap my head around one event.  In the end, even in the beginning, this is better.  Infinitely better.  Imagine if we really could understand – boredom would overwhelm us.

To illustrate complexity in a simple event, let’s take pounding a nail. 

A Productive Cough

Dear Neighbor,

This is not another quick and easy way to figure life out, yours or someone else’s.  Hopefully, you will not find a list of steps to achieve something or little clusters of tips and tricks in the margins.  If you do find them… beware – they are tricks (not mine).  I have no magical formula to offer and no quick fix. 

This is an invitation.  It is a challenge.  I am passing it on.  It was extended to us a couple thousand years ago by a man named Jesus who claimed to be The Savior of the World.  I believe his claim.  If you don’t already, I invite you to investigate.  Follow him a while; listen to him with your heart.  Watch what he does and how it affects people.  Work shoulder to shoulder with him.  See who he leads you to and what they ask of you and offer to you.  Experience his generosity, his restfulness, his mirth, mystery and his miraculous ability to live in exactly the right sized moments.   I promise, if you are willing, you will be amazed.  If you do believe his claim – do the same thing.  You’ll be amazed more and more again. 

More Dramatic

The sign at our new house being removed

The Miller family has left the compound.  We have been waiting three long, eventful and uh, “character building” years for this event.  It’s a long story with unexpected twists and fascinating characters.  It is not nearly over or nearly understood but the setting has changed dramatically.  Together we are thankful beyond explanation both to God for his provision and our friends and family for their support and very practical help.

Why I Read

I do not read only to learn.  I do not read to gather facts and information – to hold them and at earliest opportunity, regurgitate.  I do not read or study to capture the world in my mind and define it.  It would be a perverse limitation and I am infinitely limited for the task.

Burn Barrel

His rescuer dragged 

blackened remnants

of last ditch effort 

to the barrel

and stood

with a charred stick

gripped absently.

She pushed down

and down again

into the heat

staring blank

and dry eyed

waiting

for the fire

to rebuild.

Cold Feet

feet on floor

Ah yes, I think I woke up.  At the very least, I can tell that the bottoms of my feet are colder than they should be if they are still ensconced under the covers.  Probably means they are resting on the concrete floor by my bed and I haven’t found my fluffy slippers yet.  I’m not sure this really qualifies as woke up, but it is a great comparison.  I spend so much time upright and moving without being attentive.  I notice this lack of awareness when I’m gently jolted into interest.  I’m embarrassed that I spend so much time like a zombie.  Just moving forward, concerned only with what I will consume next, unaware that what I consume does not nourish.  Why live as a zombie if I’m not dead?

What I'm doing

To friends, family, neighbors & people wondering why I spend so much time in coffee shops but still have calluses on my hands,

I recently accepted the role of Partnership Developer with Go Connect.  I am more excited about this opportunity than any other for many years.  It seems like much of my life has led me to and prepared me for this assignment. 

I am working with another local missionary, David Bilby, on a project called Neighbor LinkUp.  It is an interactive, Internet database that connects volunteers with the people and projects that need them.  Our mission is to fight against all forms of isolation, illness and poverty by connecting generations relationally to meet practical needs. 

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Love your Neighbor, Drink Coffee!

If you like coffee and you love your neighbor - this is a great opportunity to combine the two!  Even if you don't like your neighbor you should buy the coffee just for yourself or for a Christmas present.  If you don't like coffee but you like your neighbor, buy the coffee for them.  If you don't like your neighbor or coffee... I don't know what to tell you.  You lead a very sad life.  Let's meet for coffee somewhere near your neighborhood and talk about it.

Fresh picked Guatemala coffee cherries

Engedi Café at US Digital is offering a unique and wonderful fundraising opportunity.  All the proceeds for the coffee they sell next week support Go Connect.  This is good because Go Connect does great things in the community.  It’s a really good deal –

If you buy one bean for $11.00 you get a whole pound for free!

All the proceeds from each bean you buy support Go Connect efforts like Compassion Vancouver and Neighbor LinkUp.  You can buy as many beans as you like, so stock up for the holidays!  There are several different roasts from BJ’s available.  Let’s see if we can sell 300 beans before the November 17^th deadline. 

Text or call me at 360-798-9989, comment or send me an email and I’ll make the arrangements. 

You can also come to my open house on Thursday the 17^th from 8 to 8.  Buy some beans, drink some coffee and find out more about Neighbor LinkUp. 

Not So Little Details

I am so thankful every once in a while.

It should be more often, but when I am, I do not worry about that.

Because I am busy being thankful.

I am lost in the ideas before

And after the thankful comes.

Details are generous interrupters,

Reminders and awakers of my imagination.

I trip over their slow toes

As they dance in measured steps

In time with a loud heartbeat.

The smell of an old car that has served well and been appreciated.

Kisses softly on my wife’s throat while she waits.

Giggling children who are old too fast reminding.

The neighborhood hawk watching still on the wire for breakfast.

Last few beans bumping through the grinder by my hand.

That Brandon and Lulu at Golden Tusk know my 35a with six stars.

Heat finally under the dash and up my pant legs on a cold morning.

Freshly cleaned spectacles, warm and clear on my crooked nose.

That’s eight.