God Makes Me Suspicious

I am suspicious. I have morphed over the last few years into a bit of a cynic. Maybe even a skeptic. Those who have known me for a long time may still chuckle at this claim but I swear it’s true. I really don’t think everything will work out anymore.
But, that’s not how I’m using the word suspicious. I have found it to be useful in describing the way I relate to the cosmos swirling around me and the involvement of God causing certain of its elements to collide with my trajectory in seemingly intentional ways… quite often.

Quitter

Quitting.

Adequate if not ideal fodder for Monday morning considerations before stumbling from bed. Quitting that is. Quit the demanding and uncomfortable exercise program since it means I have to get up RIGHT NOW. Quit shaving, showering and perhaps brushing my teeth in the morning for the same reason. Quitting my job so I have more time for exercise and Facebook and then it doesn’t matter when I shower or what my breath smells like. For me, it’s not an issue of cavities – I’m genetically resistant and I eat a lot of spicy food. I’m safe. Its just halitosis I’m concerned with. If I stay in bed long enough, everyone leaves except the dogs and the smelly breath playing field is pretty level.

Mind vs. Heart

A little morning sonnet -

Dreary in morning, my mind is bothered
My good heart waits for clearing in the fog
And remembers strength of who I’m fathered
Thinking right barely drags me from the bog

Facing the day, behind unopened doors
Waiting to try and knowing I’m artless
Alone I live safely, inside and bored
What is the key to avoiding darkness?

Surrender must come to life that’s given
Efforts to win are lost without substance
Giving up offers the soul that is riven
The hope on the road that’s laden with chance

Broken heart healed is the only promise
Myself solved in mind is only heart-less



Some explanation -

This is a consideration of where the energy, drive and capacity for full life really come from.

Loosing Things

I’d like to introduce you to my duck. You may kick him if you like. You can step on, poke or yell at him. You can even pick him up and throw him against the wall. Don’t be surprised if he flies. I expect he will probably quack. In some cases he may bite you. If you pet him, you may become friends.
In any case, he’s my duck. See if you can make him quack.

People don’t loose things for “sharing their faith.” Christians loose things because we are like Christ.

Crappy World

I used to wake up late almost every morning. I would slowly swing my legs over the edge of the bed and moan quietly but with vengeance at the cruel world, “crap.” Every day while I pulled strands of my mullet out of the crusty drool on my cheek I would complain about my sad life that was just starting that day.

Getting Up to Pee

I wake up earlier than I used to. It’s not because I’ve finally become disciplined, it’s because I have to pee, one of the joyful failings of middle age. My older friends smile condescendingly and say, “just wait” like I do to whiny teenagers. But everyone has a pain they must endure that seems a heavier burden than they can bear. Mine is undesirable pressure to rise early.

Carpentry with an Empty Head

I think I may be starting to feel better. Here and there, I find myself building things, small things with nothing in my head. Well, not nothing, just things bouncing around in there that should be in my head when I’m building something. Like where the mark (*crows foot) was in relationship to the mark on the tape, the line and where the inside edge of the carbide tip on the saw blade should hit.