God Makes Me Suspicious

I am suspicious. I have morphed over the last few years into a bit of a cynic. Maybe even a skeptic. Those who have known me for a long time may still chuckle at this claim but I swear it’s true. I really don’t think everything will work out anymore.
But, that’s not how I’m using the word suspicious. I have found it to be useful in describing the way I relate to the cosmos swirling around me and the involvement of God causing certain of its elements to collide with my trajectory in seemingly intentional ways… quite often.
I am cultivating the ability to hear and see beyond the physical realm. Man, that sounds really kooky and mystical. But, I think its what I’m doing. I’m of the fairly secure opinion that everything has implications in the spiritual realm. I would go so far as to say that things, people, occurrences and interactions of all kind have their true significance only in the context of the eternal.

Ok. I need to take a break here because what I just said is really, really deep and I’m not sure I’m saying it right. This is why honey (note to my wife) and sometimes patient children of mine, I talk so much and for so long without breathing. It’s not so much that I want to argue (ok – I do sometimes), as it is that I want to test what I’m thinking against its immediately perceivable boundaries. Generally, I’m sure I’m on to a significant truth but I have to hear it in audible words and mess around with it for a while before I feel like it’s been properly encapsulated. It’s also one reason my blog posts never get under 900 words unless they are a poem. I’m working on that.

Here is the deal. God is invisible, eternal (this is a qualitative issue more than a quantitative) and really powerful and smart. Since Babel, these descriptors have really lost a lot of their capacity to describe . He is into and messing around (I don’t mean that in a negative or disrespectful way at all – it’s sort of a familiar, affectionate reference, so don’t worry, he gets it) with everything. Everything, as in which way I turn on the way to Home Depot, whether I should buy a cool, old F-100 or a practical, newer Ranger (or nothing), what I eat, what book I should read right now (I’ve got 10 or 12 going not including Bible or Oswald), jobs I take, bugs, thoughts, feelings, effort, attitude, who I talk to and everything else. I can’t even begin to make a decent list. Since he is involved, since he created and sustains, since he cares – everything that happens or exists matters per its relationship to everything else. That is… Everything, it is not a time and space limited mattering. Once eternity is included, time and space become a very small factor in understanding the great why.

Because of this context, my curiosity is expanding. It redefines everything, changes significance and value. For example, the autistic girl Meleea worked with last year made her laugh and understand her giftedness and brought joy and connection to the people in her environment. She will probably never be productive in the typical sense of the word. But her impact is so wonderful. I’m saying - the typical sense of the word is wrong because it does not take eternity into account. It may even be evil because it does not. That girl is an amazing and powerful person because of her design (which includes frailty and brokenness).

I’m curious. I play games with God. Like guessing games I try not to put to much store in. That’s why I use the word suspicious. It keeps me from getting too committed to my guesses. I’m suspicious that the reason I ran into that person might have something to do with this other thing. I’m suspicious about this verse, that song coming on right now, that so-and-so called out of the blue and we talked about stuff I needed perspective on. I’m suspicious that a very strategic God is arranging it as he whirls things through the cosmos. It makes my life more entertaining. It makes me feel secure that he’s involved and my life matters to him. Then, if I don’t understand the reasons why, at least I can look at all the questions that did get answered, even if only in part. I can know there are answers to all of them. What does it really matter if I don’t find out for a bit? He knows. He’s in control. He loves me. I’d mess it all up if I was in control anyway. That’s been proven.

So, I’m suspicious, in a non-controlling, good-natured, curious, meandering sort of way. I laugh a lot about it. God teases me and tricks me because he is fond of me and knows I like it. I have a hard time tricking him – he knows too much. It works for us.